you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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