Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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