Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
