I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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