ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
