I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
