i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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