He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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