New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
