so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
