If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
