I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
