She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
