Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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