1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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