I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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