lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
