Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
