Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
