got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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