i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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