She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
