Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
