His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
