yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
