I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
