Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
