I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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