my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
