There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
