I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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