Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
