I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
