She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
