You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
