i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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