In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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