So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
