I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
