i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
