her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
