Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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