If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who died my cat blue again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
