Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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