i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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