i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
