Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he shaved USA in his pubs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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