If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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