I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
