Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
