i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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