Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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