Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
