So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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