I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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