I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
